The Quiet Exhaustion No One Notices in Strong Women

We manage, we provide, we observe, we anticipate with solutions, we are women holding it down so hard we aren't just the roots upholding our families, we are somehow, the branches, the leaves and the twigs. We position our lovely leaves for the most sunlight so that they can have the best chance at photosynthesis. Even if it means blocking ourselves, with the promise that we will get some sun this afternoon, or tomorrow...next week...whenever the time magically appears. 

From where everyone else stands, the tree is thriving. It stands tall, broad and beautiful. With its soil enriched by daily meals, healthy snacks, affirmations, occasional treats, recognition for good behavior, proper admonishing for not so good behaviour and all that makes a tree big and lush and strong.

It isn't until we walk closer to the tree, that we see major issues hidden by the outer appearance. A supporting cast of leaves not getting enough sun. Sometimes turning brown. A few already crinkly and dry.

Of course, it is the natural progression of a tree to lose a few leaves, for twigs to get brittle and crack. But, in your case - it's not your time to fall off the tree. You deserve sun, rich soil and water, too. 

You deserve to be looked at and admired just like the rest of the tree. Lush and green. 

But here’s the real deal about being a tree.

Trees don’t move themselves into better sunlight, they grow where they are planted and learn to utilize whatever light reaches them.

For a long time, I believed that was just the way life worked for women like me. You hold everything together, make sure everyone else grows. You delay your turn for the sun. Repeatedly.

Back then, I didn’t have the language for the emotional labor, the exhaustion, or the over-functioning.

All I knew was that something in me was constantly trying to figure out why being strong felt so heavy and overwhelming.

So I wrote.

Sometimes calmly. Sometimes dramatically. At times frantically. 

In the middle of the night when my thoughts refused to settle, I wrote.

Those reflections lives in older posts I wrote years ago, when I was still trying to understand why I felt responsible for so much of the world around me. I couldn't choose just one, so:

Lagging

SimmerDownNa!

Reading them now, I can see the same woman still part of the tree…slowly coming to realize she deserves sunlight too.

Sometimes the first step toward relief is simply recognizing the weight you’ve been carrying.